I have another mammogram and ultrasound scheduled today, this time at the new Women’s Imaging Center at the Cancer Center. The weather is unseasonably warm and it’s already hot when I get there. There is major construction going on at the grounds of the hospital and the several clinics that surround it. The temperature combined with the construction necessitates the valet parking. The practical girl in me tells me to park myself and have a little walk. The diva, on the other hand, reminds me that I’m wearing heels. Diva wins out this time.

I check in with Colleen at the front desk and she tells me that the radiologist is here today to look at my images. I’m not really surprised, I assume there is typically a radiologist on site during business days. I have a seat and not much later, they call me back for my appointment. The new facility is bigger and it’s nice. Not blown away nice, just nice. I change into a robe in what amounts to a low-end retail store dressing room, cloth curtain included. I put my purse in a locker, take the key, and meet the technician back in the waiting area. I’m certain she’s done a mammogram for me before. We go into the procedure room. She verifies my name and date of birth. We begin to discuss why I’m here. And that’s where the words finally come out of my mouth. I tell her why the doctor has sent me and then I tell her that I don’t know why I’m really here. She’s not following. I tell her I came because the appointment was already scheduled but I’ve already made my decision. No matter what anyone tells me today, I’ve decided to have a bilateral mastectomy. There I said it and in my mind, it’s a done deal. She tells me that I’m courageous and strong. She’s not sure what she would do if she was in my shoes. A few pictures on the left, a few pictures on the right and I’m finished. She takes me back to the waiting room to wait to be called in to the ultrasound procedure room.

The ultrasound technician, who I’m positive has done an ultrasound on me as well, us an absolute sweetheart. She also tells me that the radiologist is here today and will look at my images. And she’s a woman. I chuckle. I tell her that after all I have been through, I’m convinced that everyone in the network has seen me half naked. I tell her I have no modesty left. I’m funny, I’m not sure she gets my humor. She smiles and starts the procedure. Right side first then the left. She tells me she wants to step out to get the doctor. The ultrasound tech comes back quickly with Dr. I Don’t Agree with Your Decision. She introduces herself and I’m surprised. I met no less than three radiologists previously. Let me start by saying they were all very nice, but they were nothing like her. She was much younger than I expected and she was very pretty, in a very natural sort of way. The technician readies the equipment and the doctor takes over. But she doesn’t give much away. She asks me if I’ve had the opportunity to see my images and I tell her no. Follow me, she says, and I will go over them with you.

She takes me into the room where I assume she views all images from all of her cases. With a few mouse clicks, my entire mammogram, ultrasound, and MRI history is in front of me. She goes through my mammograms first. The MRI is next. I don’t really understand radiology-speak so much of what she is telling me is in one ear and out the other. And, to be truthful, I also don’t care much, anyway. My decision is a done deal. What does surprise me is how she refers to the MRI image. She tells me that my breasts are very active. Who knew they could be active? I certainly did not. She, however does not have a previous MRI to compare it to. So, she can’t be certain if they are naturally active or because there is something more at play.

Then, she tells me that having a bilateral mastectomy is not necessary. There are three areas of concern on my left side that I should consider having biopsied before I should make a decision. I should also have a formal cancer assessment done to assist me in making my surgical decision. We talk for a few more minutes before she walks me out. I thank her for  her time and that it was a pleasure meeting her. She says likewise. I go back to change and collect my personal belongings. I check out with Colleen. She asks me if everything went well. I tell her yes and it’s not even a lie. I’m at peace with my decision. Mars agrees with me, in fact, after I found out about the pathology after the lumpectomy, he immediately was in favor of me having a bilateral mastectomy. While you’re still young and healthy, he said. You won’t like the feeling of having one implant and one natural breast. Ultimately, he was right on both accounts. I see Dr. Handsome and Perfect in two days, we’ll get the wheels in motion. Now I just have to start developing a strategy. For myself, for Mars, and also for work.

The next few weeks will definitely be a challenge. But this girl will persevere….