I had the lumpectomy 10 days ago. I’d like to say I haven’t thought much about it since. Of course, that isn’t completely true. I have spent more time than I should have surfing the internet and doing much research. Margins. It’s going to be all about the margins. But I haven’t considered that my margins aren’t going to come back clear. I have since taken the bandage off but the steri-strips are holding tight. I’m going to wait until I hit the two week mark to help them along. From what I can see, everything looks great. If I look straight down, I can see a slight indentation where the incision is. But if you look at me straight on, you cannot even tell, save for the incision.

I see the oncologist in less than two weeks. I should know then when the radiation starts. Then there’s the hormone therapy. We’ll see. I’m anxious for the day when I can say that I’m cured, if there is such a thing. Is there such a thing when there’s a cancer diagnosis on the table? When will that day be.  This is the weekend of the annual golf tournament that I play in with Mars and two of our very best friends. I can’t play this year, the first time in about 8 years. I’m sad and scared about alot of things these days. I should be scared about my margins. I should be sad that I’m 41 and received a crushing cancer diagnosis. But no. I’m sad about not being able to get together with my friends to play in a golf tournament.

Mars and I will spend the weekend together. I will probably drink too much wine. Mars will worry about me. Not getting better is not an option. So, I’m determined to say that I am cured, when ever that will be.