They called me on Friday to let me know to be there at 5:30 am. I hope that means that I’m the surgeon’s first case of the day. He should be rested and fresh, though his competence is not a concern.  Mars and I set our alarms for 3:30 am with plans of leaving the house at 4:50 am. There’s always a few minutes of snooze button snuggle time in the morning. And of course, I have to flat-iron my hair. It’s better to look good than feel good, right? Shockingly enough, I slept well, though I can’t say the same for him. It’s going to be a long day for Mars, as for me, I’m scheduled for a chemically induced deep sleep.

When I met with the surgeon, Dr. Impossible to See, he mentioned that I would be prepped for surgery, have a mammogram to insert a wire localization, and then go into surgery. The mammogram will be done at the Women’s Imaging Center and my surgery is on the third floor of the hospital. I’m not terribly nervous, I really thought I would be. What is my concern, you ask. I’m concerned about being transported from the hospital to Women’s Imaging and back again. The buildings are close to one another but I was fairly certain that they weren’t connected. At least, not that I’ve ever seen.

Mars and I drive to the hospital in almost complete silence. There’s really not much to say. I’ve got breast cancer and I have a long road ahead of me. I should be thankful that it’s in an early stage and I am. It could be a lot worse and I’m thankful that it’s not. But it still sucks. We’re a few minutes early when we arrive, we’re always early, for everything. Outpatient surgery is easy to find and we check in. I give the receptionist all of my necessary information and she gives me a number. My number will allow Mars to see my status on a video monitor. I’m sure staring at a screen for hours worrying will be of great comfort. He’s a trooper, though. And I probably don’t tell him enough, but I love him with all of my heart and soul. Doctor Brother is going to meet us there. But he is never on time, ever, for anything.  But I love him too.

I wait for the nurse to call be back. I am really not sure what to expect. Will I have a private room? Is there going to be a nurse at my bedside? Will I be sedated as soon as I get there? Will there be a tv? All very important concerns. I observe my surroundings. There is a family near me whose mother was already in surgery. Colon cancer. Perhaps I should rethink my level of appreciation for my situation. Not much later, it’s my turn and no surprise, Doctor Brother isn’t there yet. Nurse No Nonsense verifies my name, date of birth, and puts me on the scale. She tells me the surgeon has ordered a pregnancy test. Knowing that I shouldn’t have had a drink since midnight, she tells me she just needs a trickle. She gives me the specimen cup and points me to the bathroom. Success. Going usually isn’t an issue. Once I’m out, she escorts me to my area, Bed 12. There is a sterile gown wrapped in plastic, a cap, and non-skid socks waiting on the bed for me. Everything needs to come off and she gives me a bag for my belongings. Worry not, I brought my own, Calvin Klein.

Mars helps me change, clearly there’s an art to the tying of the surgical gown. It appears to be made of paper and is not a good look. If only I can accessorize. So, there is a tv. One mystery solved. A few minutes later another nurse comes in and introduces herself. Nurse Raven Hair. She’s going to be taking care of me today. She is sweet, a little pudgy, but pretty. And then the questions start coming. Name, date of birth, medications, the last time I ate and drank, what am I here for. I’ll be hearing those questions more than once today. Exit Nurse Raven Hair, enter Doctor Brother.

Doctor Brother surveys the surroundings. Is your blood pressure always this high. No, I tell him. Only when I’m about to be given bad news or when I’m checked into the hospital for surgery. Some things never change, we start bickering like siblings. Not much longer, an attendant with a wheelchair comes to get me to takes me to Women’s Imaging.

Surprise, surprise, when I get there, Colleen is at the desk to greet me. The attendant wheels me back and the ultrasound technician takes me in the exam room. I verify my name and date of birth. She sets me up on the table and gets to work. After a few minutes, she steps out and comes back with the Radiologist. He explains to me that he was going to try to to insert the wire under ultrasound rather than by mammogram but it’s not going to be possible. The biopsy, he says has distorted the area that he needs to focus on. He leaves and the tech tells me it’s going to be a few minutes. Women’s Imaging is in the process of moving and they’re down to one mammogram machine. There are other appointments going on. I lay back on the table and come close to falling asleep. After about 30 minutes ago, the mammogram technician and the Radiologist come to get me. I recognize the tech as the tech that did my very first mammogram four years ago. The near miss. I tell her so. The Radiologist is impressed with my memory.

So there’s an adjustable chair that they sit me on. The doctor undoes my gown at the shoulder and numbs me with lidocaine. It pinched for exactly five seconds, then nothing.  No feeling. Nothing. Bring on the mammogram. They put me in position in the machine and squeeze. For the love of god, it’s taking my breath away and nearly popping my shoulder out of the socket.  Don’t move, they tell me. Well, I couldn’t if I tried. They need to find the titanium marker and insert the wire to help the surgeon locate the tissue that needs to be removed. The wire goes in and they take their time in making sure it’s in the right spot. I can’t breathe and my shoulder is about to dislocate. At least I’m in the right place for it if it happens. What feels like an hour later, it’s over. I go back to my awaiting chariot, er, wheelchair. The Radiologist comes over to tell me that I did well and wish me luck. He calls me Jackie, not my name and not the first time its happened.  After a few minutes of waiting in the hall in my wheelchair, the attendant comes back for me and Colleen wishes me luck as I’m wheeled out. There are a few women in the waiting room waiting for their appointments glad that they’re not in my shoes.

By the time I get back to Bed 12, there is a handsome man in surgical scrubs standing in my room. Mars and Doctor Brother are back in the waiting room. He’s typing on the computer. I flop myself back on the bed. He doesn’t even look away from the computer screen. I tell him that I tried to make a break for it, but I thought better when I caught a glimpse of myself in the hospital gown. He still doesn’t acknowledge me. Wow. After a few more keystrokes, he turns to me and introduces himself as my anesthesiologist, Dr. Lacks Personality. He asks me a few questions, I sign the consent form, and he’s gone. My raven-haired nurse comes back to hook me up to the monitors and put in my IV. I’m not afraid of needles so I watch her put it in. It didn’t hurt and it probably won’t even leave a bruise. Mars and Doctor Brother are back and things start rolling really fast.

Before I know it, my surgeon pops in. He shakes hands with Mars and my brother and asks how I’m doing. I feel fine. Do I have any questions. I really don’t. He assures me that everything will be fine. Not more than five minutes later, yet another one of Dr. Impossible to See’s residents comes in and introduces himself. I recite my name, birthdate, and the reason I’m here today again. In tow, is the nurse anesthetist and he is cute as a button. He asks me how I’ve been feeling. I tell him I was great up until last month when I wasn’t great. He tells me a story about when he was in nursing school and got pretty sick pretty quickly. As it turned out, he had a stroke at age 28. I’m not sure it was comforting but it made me feel a little less bad about my situation. Doctor Brother and I are still bickering, this time, a crack about my age. I’m younger no matter what he tries to lead people to believe. Nurse Cute as a Button turns to me and asks, oh, is this your father? Well played, Nurse Cute as a Button. Mars and Doctor Brother hugged me and wished me luck.

Cute as a Button and the resident start wheeling me back to the OR. En route, the anti-nausea medication is injected into the IV and it burns going in. Then Cute as a Button tells me the sedative is coming. I feel it almost instantly. About 20 feet later, I feel like I’m an half dozen shots of Cuervo in. The OR is cold and there is a lot of activity. Someone, I’m not sure who, puts a mask over my face and tells me to take a few breaths. Then, nothing. Anesthesia is amazing stuff.

What seems like two days later, I wake up in the Post-Op area of the hospital. There is a nurse by my be. I try to get my bearings. She asks me if I feel ok. I’m not even groggy. I am WIDE awake but a little confused. Then I remember why I’m here. I start poking around under my hospital gown. I have a bandage under my left arm. Not huge and it doesn’t seem to hurt. The nurse asks me if I feel like I can drink something. My mouth is very dry, yes, yes I can drink something. She takes to Recovery where I have two more nurses fawning over me. What do I want to drink. Ginger ale seems appropriate.

While I’m having my drink, one of the nurses brings Mars and Doctor Brother back to recovery. The look of relief of their faces was undeniable. Mars more so. Seeing people in Post-Op is normal for him. It’s not usually his sister but there is nothing shocking here. Once Doctor Brother sees that I’m fine, he’s ready to bounce. The nurse comes back with my post op instructions and more importantly, my prescription for Percocet. I need to take it easy for a few weeks. I need to not drive while taking the pain meds. And my post op appointment is in two and a half weeks. The nurse comes back to check on me. I actually feel fine. A little tired, but otherwise ok. She said if I’m feeling up to it, I can change out of my hospital gown. And as long as I can use the restroom, I can go home when I’m ready.

Mars helps me get dressed, shorts and an easy to slip on tank top. I meander across the hall to the bathroom. I’m a little uneasy on my feet but I’m fine. Once I’m done, I tell the nurse I’m ready to go. A few minutes later, an attendant comes to with a wheelchair to wheel me out. And that’s all she wrote.

I got to the hospital at 5:30 am and by 2:00 pm I’m tucked back into the comfort of my house. It’s funny, I typically spend more time at work in an average day. Right now, I don’t have any pain, but I know the anesthesia is still working. I filled the prescription but I choose not to take any. So far, I feel surprisingly good. I have today and the next three days off from work. It’s over and I’m feeling relieved.  At my post op appointment, I will discuss the next steps, but for right now, I’m feeling content.